


Etymology

by Creme13rulee



Series: Word Study [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Dysphoria, M/M, Multi, Trans Katsuki Yuuri, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-03-07 14:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13436343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creme13rulee/pseuds/Creme13rulee
Summary: Companion to Word Study. Drabbles and stories about Yuuri and the people in his life.





	1. Chapter 1

 

Junior High  School, x years ago

 

Today was a special day.  Most of their friendship revolved around school and the rink, but today Yuuri and Yuuko sat in Yuuko’s bedroom.  It was the day of Men’s Singles at the Grand  Prix Final, and Viktor Nikiforov would be skating within the hour.

Of course—they had watched the whole event, but today was the first day that they would be able to watch it live, unhindered by their school schedule. Despite being a year apart, their families and mutual love for skating made sure that they spent most of their free time together.

“I don’t know why they are speculating so much. He’s totally going to win gold.” Yuuko pulled the tray of snacks her mother had prepared closer to them, popping open the Chip Star canister and offering it to Yuuri.

Yuuko narrowed her eyes. “Something… is different.” She turned down the volume of the TV, as if it would help her see  better.

“I’m not wearing my uniform?” Yuuri fidgeted nervously. Wearing the skirt was hell, even with PE shorts underneath it.

But Yuuri couldn’t put that discomfort into words.

Hiroko was understanding, letting Yuuri dress in sweatpants and shorts on the weekends. She probably thought it was just her youngest daughter being a Tomboy.

“Duh. You’re not wearing your track suit either.” Yuuko  crawled onto her hands and knees, staring Yuuri down, nearly nose to nose with her friend.

“You’re flat! You’re totally flat!” Yuuko clapped her hands, suddenly sitting up. She watched as momentary joy flickered across Yuuri’s face, only to be replaced by terror.

“How’d you do it?” Yuuko sat back on her heels, resting her hands on her knees. Yuuri’s shoulders folded inward, head bowing.

“I wanted to see what it would look like…” Yuuri mumbled.

“You’ve gotta be the  only girl in our entire school not trying to get them bigger! I’ve been drinking milk every day, and here you are!” Yuuko laughed cheerfully. “Are you going to cosplay Viktor?”

Yuuri only shrugged.

They sat in silence, the low murmur of the commentators  in the background.

“How did you do it?” Yuuko  asked with more reverence. Yuuri turned red.

“It’s just some sports wrap  I found at home…” Yuuri’s voice was low and shy. It wasn’t rare to have elastic bandages or tape—Yuuri had taken dance just as long as Yuuko had.

“No way! How can you breathe?”  Yuuko scrambled to her feet. “Take off your shirt.”

“What? No—“ Yuuri stuttered. 

“Take it off!” Yuuko said more firmly as she shuffled through one of her dresser drawers. “You’re going to hurt yourself.  You’re doing exactly what they say not to do in _Cosmode_.”

“I’m not cosplaying!” Yuuri bit out in defense. Yuuko came back to Yuuri’s side.

“I know.” She said softly, placing an old sports bra in Yuuri’s hands. It was a couple years old, and Yuuri was definitely wider. It wasn’t perfect, but it would be closer to the binders she’d seen for mail-order in her cosplay magazines.

Yuuri stared at it, the fabric bunching in tightening hands.

“I won’t look.” Yuuko turned back to the TV, resting her back against her bedframe.

Secretly, she was happy. Happy that Yuuri had chosen today, and trusted her enough to shed the winter coat  Yuuri had worn since she left her house.

Her….?

“It’s not that…” Yuuri trailed off. He grew up in an onsen.  The naked body wasn’t anything to be worried about.

Yuuko turned back to her friend, tilting her head and examining Yuuri.

Basketball shorts and a T-shirt.  A short haircut that would make Yuuko herself look like a coconut and would be tragic for most other girls. Somehow, it fit Yuuri perfectly.

“What is it then…Yuuri-kun?”

Yuuri hid her face in her knees.

“Was that bad?” Yuuko bit her bottom lip.

Yuuri lifted her head, smiling.

“No,” She said shyly. “It was really good.”


	2. Force

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri comes out to his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicide ideation/mention

Spring

3 days before Yuuri’s High School Entrance Ceremony

 

“Yuuri-chan seems more energetic today.” Hiroko mused, watching as her daughter cleaned the last plate from the table and started washing them.

Usually, Yuuri didn’t wake up until twenty minutes after they ate breakfast together. Perpetually a night owl, Yuuri was the least morning-type out of all of them.

Mari nodded in agreement, watching Yuuri pad around the kitchen.

Compared to the last week, any movement would seem energetic.  Yuuri had spent the last few days of spring break holed up in her room.  If Hiroko hadn’t been a staunch family-meal mother, Yuuri wouldn’t have left the bed at all.

It was a little suspicious.

But Hiroko looked relieved, and that was a rare expression for Mari to see on her mothers face.

“Yuuri-chan, can you run an errand for me?” Hiroko moved into the  kitchen to dry the dishes that Yuuri stacked on the counter.

“Sure, mama.” Yuuri seemed to float on her feet, even in the cramped kitchen.

“Wonderful,  I need to pick up some  tea from Yamada-san, but he is on a tighter schedule than I can do. I’ll gather the money for you.”

Yuuri bobbed her head obediently, slipping Vicchan the leftovers crusts from that morning’s toast.

Yuuri left an hour earlier than normal  ( and expected ) Human Yuuri Time. With an hour to spare before check-in time began, Hiroko decided to ride the contagious light feeling to productivity.

The house itself was usual second-rung to running the onsen. Everything was neat, and clean, but there was always something Hiroko wanted to get done.

Today, it would be the linens.

Hiroko hummed as she bounced from room to run, stripping the sheets and tossing them into her basket.  While she pulled the blankets and sheets off, she reminisced about each day they bought the mattresses.    Like the onsen patrons, the family had grown up sleeping on futons.  One year, while Mari was still in elementary school, JR opened a new line to Hasetsu. Every day was booked out for weeks.  With the new influx of cash, they were able to buy a newer van. Mari asked for a bed set from MUJI.  It took one summer of not having to beat the dust  out of the futons before the whole family got western beds.

When they bought Yuuri’s, she had ran the entire room before jumping onto the bed, colliding into the end instead.

Now, she was no longer a rosy-cheeked toddler.  Hiroko would see her youngest enter high school on Tuesday.

Time went by so fast.

Hiroko hummed as she stepped out of Mari’s room and went down the hall to Yuuri’s. It was a mess, the quilt rumpled and unmade.  Typical teenager.

Hiroko lifted a corner of the quilt, about to dump it in her basket, before the crumple of paper and rattle of plastic broke her train of thought.

A pill bottle rolled across the floor, hitting the toe of her slipper.

It looked familiar, because it was the bottle of sleep medicine Hiroko kept in her  bathroom cabinet after being prescribed it the year before.

Stuffed in the bottle, alongside the sleep aid, were 6 bright blue pills Hiroko vaguely remembered picking up at Tomato Pharmacy after a dentist visit.

Hiroko bent down to pick the bottle up, pinching the edge of the paper that had fluttered down after the bottle.

It didn’t register at first. Hiroko’s knee’s gave out before she registered it in her mind.

_I’m sorry_

Her vision blurred.

_I didn’t want to worry you_

_You always cheer me on_

_But I don’t think I will make it to high school._

_I am sorry that I waited for so long. Maybe you can still return my uniform._

Her hands shook, and ink blurred Yuuri’s neat handwriting.

_The truth is, I am tired of this body._

_I spent so long trying to ignore it, but I feel wrong._

_I tried my best to ignore it, but its unbearable._

_In seventh grade, Yuuko told me ‘You’re a boy, aren’t you’._

_But that is only a dream._

_I’m sorry_

The writing stopped half way, but Yuuri had signed it neatly at the bottom of the page and carefully torn off the edge of the notebook paper.

Hiroko remembered every word, even when she smoothed out the creases on the dining room table. She didn’t need to look at it, sitting next to the over-stuffed pill bottle she set next to it.

She waited in the kitchen, until the front door swung shut.

“Tadaima!” Yuuri called. Vicchan’s collar  jingled as he ran to greet Yuuri at the door.

“Okaeri,” Hiroko called.  Her throat strangled any more words from her throat. But Yuuri, good , obedient Yuuri, came to the kitchen even without instruction.

Hiroko watched as her child walked in, setting down the large paper bag. She watched as warm, caring brown eyes searched for her, and the fear that bled in when they found the pill bottle.

“Yuuri-kun, I just called the school. I’ve changed the records, but City Hall takes two weeks. We can go get the right uniform tomorrow afternoon.” Hiroko’s voice was thick and edged with tears, but she forced her usual cheer into her tone.

Yuuri could only managed a strangled questioning sound. The bag of tea dropped from his hands to the floor, a thankfully short drop. Vicchan immediately tried to get into the bag, sniffling wildly.

Hiroko looked down at the letter, smoothing the tear-stained paper out under her palms.

“I am so sorry, my Yuuri, for not knowing about my son for so long.” Her voice shook, but Yuuri had beaten her to the punch. He stood in the doorway, tears overflowing his cheeks.

She wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him. Comfort him like she had when he had fallen and scraped his knee for the first time.

But this Yuuri was taller than her—taller than most of the family already.   Three days from entering high school.

 

Her son was growing up too fast.

~~~

_I don’t need you to understand, I need my child to be alive._

The last argument Hiroko had with Toshiya had been years ago. It had been over the onsen expenses. Maybe it had been over the future of the onsen, which had started in the hands of his parents.

Maybe it had been over Mari enrolling in the music track in high school instead of the hospitality track.

Today, it was about Yuuri.

“Why would Yuuri want to be a boy? She does ballet, she ice skates. It’s just a phase.” Toshiya had pushed it off.

“When was the last time you went shopping with Yuuri?” Hiroko crossed her arms. She still felt sick.

“Last week.”

“For clothing.”

He hummed.

“Yuuri doesn’t own a single dress or skirt that didn’t go through Mari first.”

“She has her pink outfit we bought for All-Japan.”

Hiroko let out a long breath.  “Minako told me that Yuuri ordered it because it was on clearance.”

“What a frugal child.”

“It makes sense.”

“What? Our daughter wishing she was a boy?” Toshiya scoffed. “No, it’s just a teenager growing up and being confused. Longing after that foreign skater  probably doesn’t help either.”

“Even if you don’t understand, you need to try.” Hiroko bit the words out. “Mari said she would. Just change the language, and school registration.  See how it goes.”

“Try what? Boys are boys, girls are girls.”

“But this is our baby, Toshiya.”  Hiroko straightened. “I brought Yuuri into this world, and I will not let anyone take he—him out of it.”

Toshiya fidgeted, running his fingers along his chin in silence.

“I’m calling the school. Then the school store.  Then I’ll see if Takeda has an opening tomorrow.”

“For what? A shave?”

“Yuuri’s hair is too long for the dress code.” Hiroko sniffed. She left it at that.


	3. Mother

“Thank you, Minako-senpai.” Hiroko wrung her hands in her lap. It was too late in the evening for lessons, so the studio was empty except for the two of them.  
“Anytime, Hiroko-chan.” Minako sang, setting down a cup of tea. It was a plastic cup and a tea bag, not too fancy, but it gave Hiroko something to do with her hands.  
“It’s about Yuuri…”  
“Oh? The kid’s doing great. Always tries so hard.”  
“Has Yuuri been acting…strange to you?”  
Minako tapped her chin, looking skyward as she thought. “Hmm. No.”  
Hiroko sighed. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who didn’t notice. Maybe she wasn’t as an awful mother as she thought.  
“Ah! Well, she asked me to call her Yuuri-kun a couple weeks back. But that’s typical teenager stuff, isn’t it?” Minako laughed, before the sound died in her throat. “What’s wrong?”  
“Well.” Hiroko focused on the tea bag floating in the cup. “ I found out…that Yuuri was going to commit suicide.”  
Minako gasped, but didn’t say anything else. She placed a gentle hand on Hiroko’s arm.  
“I…” The tears welled up again. “I found the letter on accident. I don’t understand—but Yuuri wants to be a boy.”  
Minako made a sound deep in her throat. “Are you sure it’s not a phase?”  
“You sound like Toshiya.” Hiroko muttered. Both of the women’s expression soured.  
“Yuuri’s my baby. Only wearing shorts was a phase. Godzilla was a phase… This…” Hiroko tilted her head to the side. “Yuuko-chan already knew. And she’s two years above Yuuri.”  
“What makes you think that?” Minako narrowed her eyes. Yuuri was quiet, but she had to have more friends than the girl from the ice rink.  
“Yuuri told me. Well… we went to get fitted for a new uniform… and sh—Yuuri, was wearing this.” Hiroko held her hands over her chest, at a loss for words. “Binding… vest. Yuuko bought it for her. She’s … Yuuri’s been wearing it and hiding it since her birthday.”  
“Huh. I just thought it was Toshiya’s genes making her a late bloomer.”  
“Senpai… how can you be so cool about this?”  
Minako shrugged. “I may not have any children, but I have a lot of students. And I know that Yuuri is lucky to have you as his mom, and Mari and old man Toshiya. Yuuri’s got love, which a lot of people are missing.”  
“But…”  
“Didn’t you tell me when Mari started middle school that “We can’t protect them from the world, but I want to try!”? Minako scoffed. “Just keep doing what you think is right. You haven’t gone wrong yet.”  
~  
“Okaa-san….”  
Hiroko nearly jumped out of her skin. Their desktop computer was tucked away in the living room—rarely used except for tax season and the kid’s homework. She turned in the old office chair. Yuuri ran his hands through his hair again. It was the shortest it had ever been, and the ghost of a smile still appeared each time Yuuri remembered that.  
“Yes, Yuuri?” She forced a smile, but felt nervous as her child stared at the screen. Yuuri leaned over her, backspacing before typing in a new word and hitting enter.  
トランスジェンダー  
“To..ran..su..jendaa?” Hiroko hummed.  
“It’s the word… for me.” Yuuri’s cheeks flushed pink, and Hiroko wanted to squeeze Yuuri like she had when he was a baby. “It will work better than ‘women becoming men’. And put your safe filter on too.” Yuuri clicked the check mark on the search engine.  
“Oh, there’s a whole word? Wow.” Hiroko leaned into the screen, adjusting her glasses. “English?”  
“I guess.” Yuuri shrunk back to his own space as his mother hmmed and ha’d at the first website she clicked on. Yuuri watched for a moment, before turning to go back to what he was doing before he stumbled across his mother.  
“Oh, Yuuri.” Hiroko pressed her hand to her mouth. Yuuri froze mid-step.”  
“Do you want surgery?”  
Yuuri looked down at his body. Summer was unbearable in a binder. While he didn’t have to hide it from his family any more, that didn’t cure the sweat and tightness that stole his breath after a few hours. He couldn’t even wear it during skating practice—his only escape he had left.  
It meant bathing in the onsen without having to hide behind a towel.  
“Maybe?” Yuuri squeaked, before seeing Vicchan in the corner of his eye and taking the opportunity to go after him.  
Yuuri hadn’t planned for surgery.  
Yuuri hadn’t planned on going to high school.

There was a lot to think about.

~  
“Come on, Minako. You’ll get free reign of the sake and beer at Yuutopia for the rest of your life. Please.” Hiroko pushed forward with the power of a mother protecting her young.  
“I don’t know Hiroko. One, it’s real early to be thinking of that. Two, you’re asking to mess with the law.”  
“Minako, please. The school won’t recognize it until we appeal for the court. The court won’t accept it unless they sterilize Yuuri. I can’t put him through that.” Hiroko’s voice broke.  
“When I said he owed me a favor, I wasn’t thinking lying-to-the-government-level payback.”  
“Free food. For life. And Yuuri’s life.” Hiroko’s palms pressed into the table as she put her whole weight into it.  
“You don’t need to bribe me, Hiroko. You know I’d do anything for Yuuri.” Minako frowned. “I just don’t know about Yamashita-sensei. He could be a foot doctor, for all I know.”

“He owns a clinic in Fukuoka. I made an appointment, in two weeks. That gives you time to visit him and have a talk.”  
“What if he says no?” Minako’s shoulders tightened.  
“Then we go a little closer to home.” Hiroko’s hands clenched. “And we make it happen.”

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled with including pronouns. I tried to skirt writing them, but decided later on that female pronouns will be used to denote pre-transition/ 'coming out' Yuuri. This is more to reflect his family's views than Yuuri's own identification at the moment. If you have any suggestions on how to handle it, please let me know!


End file.
